June 2023 was a HUGE month for me and my partner, L, we found out that I was pregnant with our first baby! We had planned this pregnancy but it had happened so much quicker than we thought it would. I had been on the contraceptive implant for 12 solid years and it had only been out for 2 months, we were advised it could take up to a year to get pregnant but we were lucky that it had happened so quickly. We were so happy, excited, nervous, scared, worried and overjoyed all at the same time. I never knew that one person could feel so many different emotions at one time but I did.
We had our first midwife appointment 2 weeks later and everything looked good at that appointment, we worked out that I was only 6 weeks pregnant, so early doors, but I couldn’t wait and I was already planning my future with this baby. For once, I felt like everything was going my way and I was finally getting the happy ending that I had always dreamed of.
A week after that midwife appointment I had some slight spotting, it wasn’t a lot and I didn’t feel unwell or anything but bleeding when you are pregnant instantly panics you and worries you. So, I called the midwife and she arranged for us to have an emergency early scan at the hospital that afternoon. I was terrified and so was L, but we put our brave faces on and went to the appointment. Whilst driving there we were trying to convince each other that everything was ok, trying to find some non-scary reasons for the spotting.
Due to only being 7 weeks pregnant, I had to have an internal scan. It was a weird feeling, I wouldn’t say uncomfortable or painful but it was a weird feeling. The lovely sonographer we had found our baby pretty easy and she told us that there was a heartbeat, I let out a huge sigh of relief and couldn’t help but smile as I looked at the screen, there was my baby and I could see my baby’s heartbeat so to me, everything was ok.
On the way home from the hospital, myself and L started to get excited about the pregnancy again, we planned a future for this baby. We spoke about what gender we thought the baby was going to be, we both thought boy, we talked about what the baby would look like, what they might be when they grow up and how much we were going to love our baby.
A couple days after that appointment, I noticed that the spotting had become a bit heavier and I started to get a bit of a stomach ache. I got worried and called the midwife again, she explained that as I had only just had a scan I couldn’t have another one yet, I would have to wait at least a couple of weeks for another scan. The midwife did try and reassure me as to why I might get spotting and a stomach ache but nothing she said but my mind at ease.
Things got worse, the bleeding got heavier and I had really bad stomach cramps, worse than any period cramps I had ever had. On August 28th 2023 (August bank holiday weekend) the bleeding had got pretty heavy and I had enough. Myself and L went to A&E as I just wanted to be seen by someone and to take me seriously.
When we got to A&E we saw the nurse at the front desk, I explained everything to him and he took all of my obs (temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen levels) and he told me to take a seat to the left and wait.
After 3 hours of waiting with no communication from anyone, my partner asked the nurse at the front desk if there was any update. He said he had spoken to the early pregnancy ward and he was waiting to hear back from one of the Drs when there was a bed free, I assumed that meant that I was going to be seen by someone and potentially be kept in but how wrong I was!
After another 2 hours of waiting, we asked for another update. The same nurse said he would chase the Dr and he called up to them. After less than a minute on the phone, he came and asked me how much I was bleeding (I did already give them this information when I got there). I told him again and he made some notes and asked how many pads I had been going through, again he made some notes then he went back to the desk and called back upstairs.
You honestly couldn’t make up what I was told next. After the nurse had called up to the Dr for the 3rd time, he came back to us and said that as I wasn’t bleeding enough, meaning having to change my pad every hour, I was to just go home and take a couple paracetamol for the cramps. To be told I wasn’t bleeding enough made me feel so pathetic, like I had been wasting everyone’s time and I was just being a bit dramatic. To me, being sent home without any sort of ‘care’ meant that it was nothing to worry about, because if it was something concerning then they wouldn’t just send me on my way without speaking to me. Right?
I cried the whole way home, my partner did his best to comfort me but I just felt disheartened and pathetic. When we got home I just went straight to bed, I cried myself to sleep, which I don’t think is something I have ever done before… certainly not something I ever remember doing anyway.
The next morning I called the midwife again, explained what had happened and again, I was told I couldn’t have a scan as I had only had one the week before and you have to wait at least 2 weeks, she said to call back then if the bleeding was still there and nothing had changed.
This was my first pregnancy; I didn’t know what to do or where to go from here. I know you can get a private scan, we did look for an appointment but their next available appointment was 3 weeks away.
The bleeding stayed consistent and the cramps eased after 3 days so I thought that was a sign things might be getting better. After another day or so the bleeding started to slow, again I thought that everything was now going to be ok. I was still terrified and I called the midwife exactly 2 weeks after the scan, and I was advised to wait for my 12 week scan which was 4 weeks away. As the bleeding and cramps had pretty much stopped by this point, they didn’t think I needed another early scan or appointment to see anyone.
In hindsight, I should have demanded to see someone and fought harder, but again, as a first time mum you don’t always know the best thing to do. I trusted the advice given to me by the midwife and I decided to wait the 4 weeks for our 12 week scan.
It was the longest 4 weeks of my life! Myself and L were beyond anxious but deep down I knew something wasn’t right. We didn’t really speak much about the baby, we didn’t buy anything, I think we were both too scared to say anything in case we ‘jinxed’ something.
However, finally the 12 week scan rolled around. We sat in the waiting room and every other woman in there seemed very far along in their pregnancies, it was clear that I was the only 12 week scan. We waited for what felt like forever but then it was our turn.
The sonographer asked if everything had been ok. I explained to her about the bleeding, cramps, early scan, midwife calls and the A&E visit. She could see I had the early scan but there was nothing about my A&E visit, she was pretty surprised by it but we continued on and we started the scan.
After a couple minutes, she apologised and said she’s having a hard time seeing clearly and asked if I would be ok to have an internal scan, I agreed and went to empty my bladder. As I was in the bathroom, I knew that it wasn’t good news, I knew that my world was about to come crashing down. I went back to the room and there was a nurse in there, the sonographer said she was there to help her with the scan.
We did the internal scan and just a minute or so later, she apologised. She explained that there was now no baby and that I had a complete miscarriage, meaning that I didn’t have to have any kind of procedure to remove anything as it was completely clear and there was no sign of a pregnancy anymore. The nurse and sonographer left to give myself and my partner a minute. I just broke down crying and apologising to my partner, I felt it was my fault and clearly I had done something wrong to make this happen. I had eaten something, slept wrong, lifted something… whatever it was, I had done something.
He comforted me and assured me that there was nothing to apologise for and I didn’t do anything wrong and everything was going to be ok. When the sonographer came back she said she had cancelled all appointments, removed me from the midwife and done all the admin side of it so I didn’t need to worry about letters or appointments coming through. She was so lovely and she explained lots of different things to me, handed me leaflets but to be honest I can’t really remember what she said. She showed us out the back way so we wouldn’t have to walk through the waiting room, for which I was extremely grateful.
The drive home was silent, we didn’t even have the radio on, my partner never took his eyes off the road and I never looked anywhere but out of my window.
When we got home, we both went upstairs and laid on the bed, we both cried and held each other. Again, I kept apologising and he told me to stop, I just felt so guilty and awful. We told each other we loved each other and he promised me that we would get through this.
We laid in bed for a couple hours but we were both starting to feel a bit stuffy so he suggested a walk on the beach, so we went and had a walk to clear our heads. It was breezy but it was what we both needed, some fresh air. As it was the end of September there wasn’t anyone around and it was peaceful.
I felt so failed by the system. I knew something wasn’t right. I called them multiple times and asked for help, I was made to feel like I was wasting peoples time and I was a being dramatic first time mother who was just being over cautious.
I did make a complaint to PALs and the last time I heard from them was February 2024. Now I know that the NHS is severely underfunded and understaffed and this is not a dig at those people who work hard but the NHS needs to do better. I was left for a month to think I was ok, only to find out that when I went to A&E on August 28th, that was probably me miscarrying and they sent me home without being examined and spoken to.
There are happier times ahead and I will post about them all soon, but this is how my story starts.
Just A Mama 